..

有时候，真的不知道还能不能撑下去。
身体痛、心也痛。
好想呐喊、但喊不出。
只觉得胸口很重。

storm before rainbow?

So much drama before Chinese New Year. Sigh.

Hostel student commits suicide, a kin witnessed someone who jumped to his death, the same kin admitted to hospital due to breathin difficulties, a baby bird dropped down from its nest.

今晚的团圆饭，还吃得成吗？ I hope her results show tt she's alright. CT scan now. :( first time in my life so far tt i've doubts whether all could make it for reunion dinner. Hope everything turns out well.

- fingers crossed


昨晚还在拼命地敲白果壳呢..

距离

原来，面带笑容就行了。

住在彼此的对面，却从未交谈。
“能帮我开门吗？”
“哦，可以。”
“谢谢你啊。”
“不用。”
:)
(:

XSQ

一失足成千古恨，再回头已百年人。

每一个错误，都要付出惨痛的代价。

错误越大，代价越惨痛。

做了错事，良心不安，别人痛苦，自己更痛苦。

- 百度百科

the chase

＂他走到车站了！＂

He missed her by an hour. She left at 815, he came n loitered arnd at 915. Dad n i gave chase, but he was crafty. Past a corner n he immediately took flight. When i chased after, he walked briskly. Haa, i even passed by a friend's hse.

The uniformed pair was slow. Zz. Even when they came from the direction that he was heading towards. Im sure they had the power to stop the bus, but nope, they didn't. Hopefully she tells him that she's no longer here.

I guess what pained me most was how that idiot managed to ruin a mother's life just like that. Being sent home half a year earlier. If he really loved her, he shouldn't have gotten her into this mess. Maybe he's cheating her.. Ah. So many thoughts.

龟龟 also lost an endearing friend. The daily baths, walks, cuddles. Sigh. She broke down instantly when someone said "throw away la, nobody take care already." she pleaded me not to throw 龟龟. Well of course i would never. I guess that someone just wanted to make her feel remorseful. :'( it pains me.

I hope she'll keep the picture i took of her n 龟龟. More importantly, the msg which i wrote last night. "... Always think of your children before you do anything next time." 想必，飞机已起飞了。希望她自我反省，回去做个好女儿、好母亲。

背叛 . 失望

To think we treated her so well. She was truthfully one of the best out of so many we've encountered.

They don't believe her story, but i personally do. I mean, she even said she'll do her best n behave till june when her contract expires. It must be that the guy came to look for her on his own accord. What didn't struck him was tt one of us was at home. Luckily we notified X at hm. Yes he may b worried out of love, but why didn't u ask him to leave out of love?

The police was called in, inevitably. It was the 2nd time he came into our hse w/o our consent. Tears poured, even feigned (or not) insanity. Holding a knife to her wrist. Sigh. There goes our dinner plan.

And she even wished me a happy new year this morning. Really feel like cryin while eatin now. Feels as though a close friend stabbed my back over n over. :( no choice but to 送她回了。她也心甘情愿。我想，这是最好的决定。双方都满意。

Please just be like when u first came for just these few days. U'll be reunited with ur family soon. I wish u.. All the best for your future life. Thank you for the 1.5 yrs so far.

Hurt. On the first day of 2012.

faith

"Will you do my eulogy?"

finally completed Have a Little Faith yesterday evening.
first time reading and completing a book at starbucks haha. with a grande white choc mocha~

as a free-thinker, i always find it hard to believe in god etc. i'm open to the teachings of religion but definitely not a devout believer.
just like Mitch, i always questioned, "if he was so sincere, why did that person face adversity all the time? how was He going to help mend the hole in the roof?"
i guess sometimes.. it's the mindset that these people have, together with their religion acting as a catalyst which empower them to become positive and optimistic individuals.

well, here are some takeaways:

1. Your god, our god - Faith tells people to do charitable acts and aid the poor, no matter who is the receiver.
2. What is there that forgiveness cannot achieve?
3. Anger - It churns you up inside. It does you more harm than the object of your anger.
4. Try again. (two simple words but we always find it so agonising to do)
5. When we miss them, look up. Know that they're watching over us.

this is not a post about religion, just a short reflection after reading the book.
i shall end with a quote from the book, "We who are born, are born to die."

sad fact, but very true.
however, it is up to us to decide the way we live, whether we want to live meaningfully or not. even if it's for a short time, be glad that we managed to come into this world, managed to touch others' lives.. :)

there's always enough time for procastination, but never enough for showing them your love.